33. Exploring the Essence of Hard-Core Friendships
"A Ce' non guardà il mare che poi te vengono i pensieri".
Hi all,
today’s shorter-than-usual piece delves into what’s at the heart of pure, unadulterated friendships (cit. Schmidt).
Thanks as always for reading.
Have a good one!
Friendship. Everyone interprets it differently: personally, I’ve always had a tough time putting it into words. To me, friendship has always been something closer to a fleeting feeling, manifesting only when the right people are around and vanishing as soon as they leave. A rush that I am forever chasing, much like junkies do with their next fix.
While a definition still eludes me (maybe rightly so), I think I got a bit closer to understanding what’s at the heart of hard-core friendships.
Once again, sitcoms have played a role in shaping my perspective, specifically, The Big Bang Theory (TBBT) and Seinfeld. Both of them depicted authentic friendships, despite their contrasting setting and dynamics.
On the one side, you have 4 of the nerdiest guys you can think of, living in no-man-land Pasadena. Hardcore nerds: never out in sunlight, just as smart as physically ungifted, as odd-looking as you would imagine. If tall, then thin and hunched over. If short, then enough out of shape to be odd-looking. Worse with women than yours truly. Heavily invested in their career and their comic book passion. That’s TBBT.
Seinfeld, on the other hand, is again a group of four, but this time with dynamics diametrically opposite to TBBT’s. Seinfeld takes place in the 90s buzziest city on Earth, NYC. The protagonists are people who you would consider vibrant, outgoing, cool people. It is a show about nothing (I’m quoting), where everything revolves around the gang’s shenanigans.
So, these two shows provided a pretty good example of how extraordinary friendships overlook what’s outside of the group. It doesn’t matter if you are in an old basement in Pointplace, middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin, or in the electric city, Scranton, Pennsylvania. A bunch of great people is found regardless. So, it is not what’s outside of the group of friends that helps define it.
The answer had to lie within. Paying more attention to the dynamics inside groups, I noticed how all the hard-core groups of friends embraced their members’ extreme traits.
In other words, the very features that might be unbecoming to the people outside the group, are those around which true friends cement their bond. Our most extreme traits are what actually sets us apart from the herd: so, you can't truly call someone a friend unless you accept and embrace their rough traits. Only then, you can truly appreciate the nuances brought by anyone to the table.
Hard-core friendships yield an outcome that comes incredibly close to comradeship. Usually used in war-related contexts, I think it fits the case here. They say that friends are the family that you choose. I say that friends are the ones you choose to go to war with, because when shit hits the fan there is nobody you would rather be than them.
These kinds of bonds, much like those created in wartimes, have a funny way of working out: even though you’ll be alone for most of your life, you won’t find yourself feeling lonely anymore. You’ll always have a place to belong to. Them.
If friendship is the umbrella that offers you shelter through the storm, then comradeship is the soundness of the umbrella structure. A solid friendship bond will withstand the hardest of storms.
Here’s to all of you!
Unfaithfully yours.